As I sit here and try to put my thoughts down on paper, I am reminding myself that I am writing this for Ron's website, not for a circle of family and friends but for the world public to read if it chose to. Meaning I am reminding myself not to reveal it all. Whatever Ron and I shared in those eleven years we spent together, whatever occurred during that last week with him, the last day, our last words, and anything that took place between Ron and us, his loved ones, is for us to keep to ourselves. However, there are a few things I want to share with you who happen to have just found Ron's site, or with you who come by frequently as a friend or as a secret companion.

A month has passed since Ron left us. Though I shouldn't say he left. He was taken away from us and from this world, but we will never be without him.

In the funeral service, Pastor Michael Jordan said that Ron was lucky because he knew when his day would come. He said, and the church agreed, that Ron was in the Lord when he died. I know he was. Yet I am not sure Ron was lucky to have known the date. Isn't it mental torture to know the date? Ron was not ready to go. He had plans, so many things to achieve, so many more people to reach out to. He wanted to see his children grow up, especially now that he found his two "lost" children.

Ron was not ready. At the same time, he was tired. He was tired of living this life behind bars, and worse, behind glass, not being able to ever touch and be touched. He was tired of seeing his fellow inmates go away and not come back to him but be executed instead. Ron was tired of not being in charge of anything really. He was a man of actions who was denied to choose his own food, to shower when he needed to, to talk to people who asked to talk with him, to sleep when he was tired, and to really help his loved ones in the free world when they needed him most.

Ron was torn between wanting to live and not wanting to live under these conditions. He did say he would be willing to live on like that for us, his loved ones. Not because he desired life without parole.

One of the things that I want to say is that Ron was a creator. I want you to know that he created more than he ever destroyed. Yes, he took a man's life and he was always deeply sorry he did. But look at what he created: He changed many people's lives, especially young ones', teenagers'. He loved deeply and therefore created…happiness first and foremost, but also self-confidence, a sense of security in so many. Ron brought families together, circles of friends. He asked me to make friends with his family many years ago and we went beyond that. We are now part of his family and they are part of our lives. The relationships he created between me, Tracé, Greg, Jan and his own family will continue to grow. Each time I am on the phone with Texas, I know he would love to see that.

While the State of Texas decided Ron was not worthy of living, many people literally look up to him as a prime example, as a role model. We strive to live up to Ron's standards. And that is another thing Pastor Jordan mentioned in the service: Ron has done more good, has reached more people in the whole world than most of us in the so called free world will ever reach. One of Ron's very close loved ones said to me a few weeks ago that she would be happy with herself if only, one day, she could be like Ron. That is as strong as he was, as forgiving as he was, as loving as he was.

Having been loved by Ron has made us different persons. His love was and is so strong that it is hard to ever go without it. We now have to slowly learn to live without him. We are still looking for his letters. We hear his voice. We remember those last days we spent together and think of the good and the bad moments. It will be difficult to move on and we haven't really tried yet. But one thing is for certain: We will never be without Ron in our hearts. This can give us comfort and courage. What Ron gave us is too strong to ever be taken away from us. It will last. He will last. Free at last.

by Agnes-Lisa